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Long Walk Home

Having to walk a few blocks to and from your home shouldn’t give you anxiety or outright frighten you but as a woman, it’s an everyday reality in the city.

Tonight I attended my cousin’s wedding in Jersey and took the late train back to the city. Unfortunately there was construction and so train schedules were off and instead of taking the train which drops me off less than a block from home, I had to take the train which gave me a 3 1/2 block walk. It’s not that it’s a bad area, it’s an area where street harassment is common.

Because people always wrongly assume it has to do solely with what a woman wears(as if that gives the harasser the right to do so) let me clarify that I was wearing jean shorts, a baggy tshirt and sneakers, with a backpack on my back; hardly enticing.

In my less than fifteen minute walk…I got the following:

1. Catcalling (4 times)
2. Followed on foot to try to force a convo even after being told no thank you(1 time)
3. Followed by a car driving slowly alongside of me to force a convo even after being told no thank you (1 time)
4. Yelling out of a passing car (1 time)

It’s frightening, it’s unwanted, it’s unnecessary and most of all it is NOT a compliment. Walking down a street alone at night is difficult enough without the added fear that you may be raped or killed by someone who approaches you aggressively. And even in the daytime, street harassment is not appealing.

A friend of mine once told me to stop and educate the harasser by asking them if that approach had ever really worked, but why should I? Why can’t common sense inform a man that a woman who doesn’t even glance in your direction who is obviously and purposely trying to get somewhere is not interested in the attention you are trying to force on her?

Just my rambling thoughts tonight and if it makes even one man reconsider his approach in these situations, glad I got it out…

The way my morning is set up right now… #WestAfricanDance #ActorsStudioDramaSchool #LetsGetIt 😁
Silent protest at Love Park in Philadelphia by @_prince_ali and @thatsmrcolston2u 

#CallUsByOurNames #BlackLivesMatter
Today’s mantra…
One of the things I miss the most about my brother is our conversations…we’d talk about every and anything…miss that so very much and would give anything for just one more convo…

Who would you talk to?
The absence of self-love inhibits our compassion towards others. When we truly learn to love ourselves, there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds towards the plight of others. ~ unknown
Just tried Ruby Woo lipstick from MAC and I’m in love! #ChocolateGirlCherryLips
#RP - truth!
A couple days late but never a dollar short…lol. With some of my beautiful castmates from the Freedom Theatre Project Voice1 reading of For Colored Girls…only missing Ms. Cathy…enjoyed working with these talented women!

A Day of Celebration

Father’s Day is always interesting for me…I relish seeing all the wonderful examples of good men who pour into their children constantly and who are celebrated for being heros, mentors, providers, protectors, teachers and the loves of their children’s lives. It gives me hope though my own paternal situation is so convoluted.

I was raised by my stepfather since the age of nine and I’ll admit I wasn’t the ideal step daughter as I initially resented his presence and held onto memories of my then absent dad - memories of when he was present and I was a daddy’s girl. I did eventually grow up and see reality and understand that not being there was a choice for him just as being there was a choice for my step father. What I do know is this, utopia doesn’t exist…as people we are imperfect but most of us do the best we can do…sometimes we just have to accept what wasn’t and focus on what is now. One million negative Father’s Day posts won’t erase time missed or start a new relationship…so there’s a choice to be made: we can forgive the trespasses and try to start anew, forgive the trespasses for our own mental, emotional and relational health but move forward - leaving the past where it is, or we can hold onto that hurt, anger and bitterness and allow it to fester and become a cancer to our subsequent relationships.

Either way…today is about those great dads who love on their kids and truly deserve to be celebrated. Happy Father’s Day!

Lesson in futility

If a leopard truly can’t change its spots, does it really make sense to paint it in black-and-white stripes and hope it adapts and morphs into a zebra?

A beautiful exterior is fleeting but a beautiful interior can last forever, just make sure your heart is as pretty as your face…

- Brennie Thoughts
Lol…truth…some of y’all need the “talk you off the ledge & outta trouble” friend…that’s me.

#RP from @a_yanna

That question…

Single women who are at first glance attractive, intelligent, ambitious and seemingly fit, healthy and considered to be the kind of women most men would want usually get “that question” when they meet a gentleman who is inquiring after them.

"Why are you single?"
“Why are you single?”
“Why are you single?”

The assumptions are many…but generally focus on a presumed flaw in that woman - she must be crazy, boring, too talkative, doesn’t talk enough, nagging, bitter…and so on.

Sometimes a woman is single because she has learned that less is not more, that dating Mr. Right Now to kill time only puts her one step further away from Mr. Right, that giving up what she wants most for what she wants right now is settling, that sharing a man is not negotiable, that being an option is not enough, that she needs time to continue working on being the best person she can be so that when HE finally finds her, SHE is ready. Sometimes a woman is single because she knows that HE is out there and that type of real, consuming, enduring, reciprocal, and selfless love is worth waiting for…